Marie’s Story – Here I Am Again

Note from Marie:  I wrote this post just before I went into relapse a while ago.  The symptoms described are fairly typical ones I experience before each relapse.

Father, here I am again.

I finally realize why I’ve been downcast for the last few days.
I should recognize this familiar place.

For days now there has been a pattern of sleep without rest;
of dragging fatigue;
of forcing myself to smile when I need to;
of searching for a comfortable way to sit;
of struggling to remember names;
of  staring at the computer without being able to write;
of feeling weepy and withdrawn without apparent reason.

Here I am again.
The painful buzzing in my legs this morning signaled yet another MS relapse.
I just checked my calendar.
I went into relapse at almost the exact same week last year.

Somehow, figuring out the reason for my despondency has lifted my spirits.
Now I have a familiar battle to fight, and I know what weapons to use.
I cling to Your Word, my Lord.

“Why are you downcast, oh my soul?” cried David in the Psalms.
Then He took refuge in praise.
So will I, my glorious Father!

You have said in Your Word that You inhabit the praise of Your people.
I choose to praise You,
O glorious Lord!

You have a reason to set me in a quiet place now.
It is here, in this time aside with You,
that You will teach me and minister to my very soul.

So I welcome this relapse.
May it be a time of respite and renewal.
May I praise You with song
and with mediating on Your promises.

May every sting of pain be a reminder of what Christ endured for me.
May every sleepless night be filled with listening to You.
May my foggy mind be filled instead with the clarity of Your glory.
May my exhausted body find refreshment as I drink from Your Word.

May I come forth with fresh vision and strength to do Your will.

So I will meet You in the arbor, where You will prune this branch.
I love You, Lord,

vineyard-arbor

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